2006-07-14 // 23:31:19

Just got home to my dear San Francisco. Hawaii was beautiful. My father and I stayed on a remote part of Oahu. Most of my days were spent surfing and wandering around the beaches writing letters to people long gone, and picking plumeria flowers to weave into the trees or to make into garlands to decorate the hotel room. There is something so cleansing about the ocean, the water at your feat. I walked out onto the dock and spread my arms, water up to my skirt, and let the water run over me.

The surf was amazing. I rented a short board and spent my days sitting in the ocean on my board or gliding across beautiful white caps & turquoise water. Salty skin and hair, wrinkled toes and sandy shins. On my board, floating alone in the peaceful seas, I had time to think about the past year. How time has changed, how I want to throw clocks into the sea, where we can forget time for always and forever. I thought about Mike. He hurt me in an already open wound - Walker's 'love scar' - and Mike tore that open. I don't know if he ever truly liked me, loved, whatever. I should be smarter with my heart. That's ok, I'm a girl that loves everyone, its hard for people to tell when I am just caring, or when I am just loving. I'm sorry Mike feels that I seduced him, because I had no intention of that. But I wrote a letter to him, along with everything I have wanted to let go of in the last year, telling him all this, sealed the envelope with a kiss and tossed it into the water. That is letting go. And, it feels good, at last, to come to peace with the cards that life has dealt for me.

This life is beyond beauty, and is strange in so many ways, unfortunately, there are not enough words to describe anything. Correction, there are no words great enough. Just open eyes and long eyelashes and camera. And tea. And love, and best friends. Most defiantly, best friends.

The fourth of July was also... amazing. Superb. Wonderful, exemplary. Daniel and I went to the beach and romped about in the water. I rolled on him several times when he was dry and I was wet from the salty waters of the big blue. We walked back on hot pavement to his house and rested and talked. His parents made us a lovely BBQ and we sat and talked, and had some ice cream. Temo came along round eight pm and we went to Robby's house, with Jessica in tow in the trunk. We lit fireworks that danced throughout the sky, lighting up, making magic. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life. I have never felt more loved, closer to Daniel, and happiest all at once. It was perfect. I wish it went on forever. Temo took me to the 'hippy commune' at around ten to pack his stuff, and wow, the view from up there, it is a paradise. Crickets, the smell of dry summer grass and trees, the stars...redwoods...amazing. And then he asked me out in the car. And everything feels so right, down to getting home at midnight.

This is the start of more things than I know, but they are starting, and many wonderful things are about to happen.

ps, Photos as soon as I get them back from the lab, I promise.

Love xox,

2006-06-05 // 03:19:42


Well, if you are a livejournal nerd like.
I started a community for polanoid over there @ »link

So if you are on livejournal you should totally join.
Love Julie.

2006-06-05 // 02:12:11

I try so hard to make you all better. But you never return my calls and you hardly say "I love you".

I am cursed in the respect of love.

2006-05-29 // 17:49:04

June 2 -
i become a junior + summer vacation starts