Dodammit! Polanoid.net I have honestly forgotten about you! I have went into the magical world of "studying" and forgot about polaroids. Well, I did shoot some though and I need to scan and upload them.
So,,,news...

Well, the only piece of good news is that I am now engaged :) To the most amazing/delicious/exciting/intelligent/crazy/funny man ever. EVER.

That is all :)

Also, what makes one woman his darling and another one his whore?
And, why must I always be the whore?
When will I be someone's "darling"?
What makes one woman lovable, and the other one fuckable?
Why can't I be lovable?
Why can't a man actually LOVE me?

I am "back from the dead"
Not entirely. I am swinging back and forth from the land of the living and the dead.
I am horrified and very happy at the same time, that everything I have created even as recent as 3 months ago, no longer gives summarization of the kind of person I am now.
Someone, somethings, some situations have changed me so completely.
I am okay with it :)

There will be an upload, I promise! Ah, I have to correct the colors because the scanner messed them up. All too much cyan/blue hue! AAAH!

Also;
I know I shouldn't give a fuck about people who don't give a fuck about me. But, there are no people who actually do give a fuck about me :) So, what do I have? I have no bf because apparently I'm not good enough for any man, although I am not ugly or fat. (I know I am blunt, but that is something I have accepted about myself) I don't have friends who actually respect and want to take part in my life because they do not want to hear my views/perseverances/goals/unconventional ideas and respect my interests. Why do I put up with judgmental, malicious comments on everything, starting from my past subcultural participations (i.e. goth), ending with my ethnicity. I mean, ETHNICITY, how ridiculous is that form of bigotry?! All they want to do is sit around and hear some penis talk and follow his orders because that is what patriarchy taught them. That is what their dads did to their moms. (I know I went on a tangent there in that last part about patriarchy...)

So, what am I left with? Nothing.

That is all.

I really need to start a journal so I can write all this down regularly instead of spamming polanoid.net

First, expect mass polaroid upload throughout the next few days- new scanner!

Second, awkward story. I went out with some classmates Friday night. So, I got home late and went to bed exhausted. In the morning I remembered something weird one of them said. I asked casually, what he thought of me on that "my personality/you're my classmate" level since I asked him what he thought of other various people in our class. Then he says something weird ..."I'm not ready for a relationship right now." and I didn't get why he said that until this morning. Wow, talk about misinterpretations. There will be many awkward moments to come with him... Oh well. I'm not sure...was I rejected for something I didn't even ask for?
So, gentle reader, this illustrates just how awkward I am with men...I get "rejected" without even asking someone out! Lol! People who tell you "awkwardness is sexy" are lying because the only reason it worked out for Amelie is because she was a fictional character- duh.

Yesterday when I was driving to a cafe, I looked into my rear-view mirror and saw a guy that looked exactly like Gael García Bernal »link And...like in the "Motorcycle Diaries", he was on a motorcycle! I was grinning so hard I got dizzy.
:)

So, this "news" thing is becoming like a lame blog that no-one reads including myself.
University has stared. I'm not really sure what I think, ask me later. It's not the education part that I am trying to decide on, it's that whole "social scene" that I'm obviously (obliviously) not a part of. I think to be actively in it you have to be one of those girls who makes comments like "This is a cute building. Hehehehe" (I kid you not, I almost fell off the bench when I heard that) It's just that most of them are so naive, spending their lives on beach-home fronts with families making $200,000+ a year. I wanna rent a bus, drop them of at "the hood" and pick them up later (the ones that didn't get shot anyway)
However, some of the guys seem actually pretty decent, too bad I am just too shy.

Today I tried on some "black girl" jeans and they fit me perfectly. »link
However, I do not want men obsessing over my ass again so I didn't buy them.
Other than that, I will upload some polas soon.

For the next month and 1/2 I will be hanging around Eastern Europe. When I come back 1) I will purchase a scanner and will begin to update this account frequently 2) take more polaroids
Throughout this time, check out my flickr
»link
See you then!