On hearing that Jesus was wont to spend his evenings hanging round at the harbour with fishermen, Mary worried that he would take ill and knitted him a warm garment. When she presented the fruit of her labour to the Lord, he said unto her, "I trust in my heavenly father to protect me from a few measly microbes. And therefore I say unto thee that I shall not wear the jumper thou has knitted."

"Oh yes thou shalt," quoth Mary, "Messiah or no messiah, thou shallt wear the practical and fashionable garment thy mother hath laboured over with the sweat of her brow or thou shalt have no supper."

On leaving the house clothed in the garment, Jesus happened upon a naked, lame beggar. The Lord then stripped the jumper off his own back and said, "Take this, my jumper. It will protect thee from the microbes which causeth snottiness of the nose."
Whereupon the beggar replied, "Lo! A miracle hath occurred! My nipples are wondrously concealed and though I still cannot walk, I feel a pleasant itchiness of my skin about my neck. Yeah thou art verily the one true Lord. But hast thou not another one in a more masculine colour? For I fearest for my safety when my fellow beggars behold me in my new garment."

"Fear not," quoth the Saviour, "For my heavenly father hath assured me that these garments will be all the rage next year."

The Jumper of Christ is said to have the power to render the wearer all but invisible to potential suitors of either sex, and has thus frequently been successfully employed over the ages as an aid to celibacy.

Related tags:

my holy prepuce, jumper

Part of Project:

sancta praeputia

Tip:

Copyright info: