a book i was introduced to
by a fellow polanoider
and friend
ryan c smith
while he was reading it
he said he was struck
by the similarities in the way she wrote and the way i wrote
my letters
my prose
i was most curious
who was this patti smith?
i knew the name
but the only thing i associated
with her name was
artist
not of what work
and in what medium(s)

it makes sense to me
that i first got to know her
as a writer
and what a beautiful writer
and what a beautiful compliment
one mr. ryan c smith gave to me
my husband was soon finding me
her old albums on vinyl
wave being my favorite of favorites

for me
this is a book
i will reread over and over again
throughout my life
a book i have told many of
a book i have bought for a few friends and family

gerald got my copy
the hardcover
so soft in its shades of deep lavender and greys
messy blue ink handwritings
touchable
still wet
adorned with little stars

i found myself reading it
mostly in the sunny spot
around midday
on our bed
no clothes
absorbing all the sun i could
for monterey is finicky about its sunny days
the fog is immense and grey
and folds over you
and mostly you look at the sun peeking out over the hills
or over the sea
like a childs head peeking out of the balnket
and when it does come over you
the sun
you must take it all in
and there is no better way to do so but with bare skin

so here i am
in bed with the book
just kids
taking a spectra shot
as the sun begged me to do so
and i gave in
i happily gave in

the polaroid was never shared
it was put in a box
and to be forgotten about
until my 30th birthday last may
when gerald put together
a most beautiful gift
a handmade handbound book
polaroids strewn throughout
one per page in fact
sometimes two
one hidden under another
pen to paper
the tiny script that is gerald's hand
making one take their time
making one be patient
making one slowdown

and in there
this polaroid of gerald
reading just kids
my copy that i sent him
that i gave to him
reading in the sun
just as i had
and i remembered my spectra shot
!!!
and eventually found it
!!!

of course i sent it to him
a must
!!!

it arrived safely

polanoid has been an interesting place
in being here
and participating
since 2007
though my polaroids don't seem to go back that far
they do here
at least in somes memories
i was a girl in my early 20s
insecure
but putting the whole of myself out there
for that is just who i am
all or nothing
so for a time
it was nothing
and
little by little
something
just not quite whole
not edited
not hidden
just waiting and working

so grateful for all the good people
who have entered my life
through this place
and most likely
through only this place would they have
through the medium of polaroids
instant photography

dear dear friends
and the more that shall surely come

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