it's fucking cold in new york...

so cold you can feel the numbness in your extremities... a hole in my shoe from a sharp rock... pants torn in a place you don't want to be cold... i met her for lunch because she's leaving town in 3 days... i get so nervous around her... i'm so in the moment, because i want to stretch every second out into infinity... so i weigh every word--analyze every glance of her eye... if she looks into my eyes too long, the pilot light of hope rekindles... then i remember... no... don't believe your own delusions... but she's just one of those people, in whose presence i feel right... there haven't been many... it's like this tunnel vision i get, and everything else around us dissolves--breaks away like it was all an illusion... "love makes nonsense of space and time"... i took polaroids... she tried to look bad in one, and it came out the most adorable face ever... i dared her to take a bad photo... she made a face, and i immediately said "don't even bother... seriously"... we laughed... we ate sushi off a conveyor belt... hijiki salads... i'm chopstick retarted... she makes me so nervous... the first hour with her always feels surreal, but then peace settles in... her smile surrounds me... i speak naturally... i see her relax as well... she knows how i feel... my eyes always betray me... we walked to the animal clinic... picking up the cat's papers... laughing and shivering... i wished i could keep her warm... i want this feeling... and it's fleeting as we walk... soon she will say goodbye... i look up for some divine intervention... then i remember that i don't believe in that nonsense... i'm in it... i'm in the moment, and this is my life, fleeting... my heart will linger with her for a while... we stand on the corner waiting for the light... "it's not like i'm really moving away, because i'll be online, and we'll talk... " i want to tell her everything, again... maybe she'll get it this time... maybe this time it will be different... the light changes... we walk in silence... it's too cold for tears... i guess that is all the divine intervention i can expect... "goodbye liad"... a hug... she's gone... damn, it's fucking cold in new york...

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